Breakfast

Today I had two choices for breakfast Chef Boyardee Ravioli, or Oatmeal. Oatmeal won, due to the obvious health reason. I hate being an adult.

Trust the voices inside your head?

I just found this clip. It is from a movie about Joann of Arc.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWoyJrAAL-U

We all do this sort of thing now and again. It must be part of human nature. It reminds me of something I recent learned about Orson Wells. Click below, because if you don't you just going to wonder for the rest of the day where I am going with this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwJ3dN9RzpM&feature=channel

HMS Bounty

A few years ago I went through a period where I was obsesses with the mutiny aboard HMS Bounty. I think it is something that everyone has to deal with eventually in their lives. Luckily for me it only lasted a few months. Well, it was more like eight, but that is not important. Today is the Anniversary of the day old Fletcher Christian committed the unforgivable Naval sin. Interestingly enough I am 63% sure I have been invited to participate in a minor mutiny myself today. Actually it was more go over someones head, but mutiny sounds more dramatic and I am really bored.

Luckily, I learned a valuable lesson from Fletcher and Bligh. Mutinies are a hassle, and the last thing I need in my life is one more hassle. I have found that during any mutiny, revolution, or civil war it is best to try and keeps one''s distance. When things get realy bad just play stupid.

Treat Thursday

At work we have Treat Thursday. We are assigned a Thursday where we bring a treat. It started a few summers ago as Popsicle Thursday, then, as summer came to a close, it evolved into Treat Thursday.


Slowly it has become infinitely more complex. Currently we are assigned themes, such as dips, cheeses, Mexican, or my personal favorite green. Also Donuts are forbidden. Failure to adhere to the theme is grounds for banishment from Treat Thursday. Not only that but it has become a rather intense competition. Today we had taco cups. A complete taco contained within one of those tortilla chips shaped like a cups.


Not unlike Christmas, we have lost sight of the true meaning of Treat Thursday. It's purpose is not to show that you can produce the best treat, or to prove how cleaver your are with a theme, or even to demonstrate your connections with local pastry shops. The true meaning of Treat Thursday is to help each and everyone of us make it to Friday. That is what it all about, the weekend. After all, in the worlds of the great Loveboy "Every body's working for the Weekend, every body wants a little romance"

Never fear, my friends, I am committed to disobeying all these totalitarian requirements and return Treat Thursday to what it is really all about, Dunford Donuts! They can try their guilt trips, their threats of banishment, but I dare them to resist the pure and tasty power of a fresh Dunford!

For Dunford! For Victory! and for all Donut-kind!


Disclaimer, those Taco Cups were unbelievable, really quite tasty.

Employee Apreciation Day

Today is Employee Appreciation Day at work. How does my gallant place of business show appreciation? They made me wait in line for some cold eggs. Eggs that clearly had something very wrong with them. Plus, all the companies "top brass" flanked this line creating what I call ... The Gauntlet of Awkward Small Talk. At the end they gave us three water bottles and a fancy bag, a very fancy bag. It was the kind of bag you give to your transvestite cousin when you draw his name at Christmas.

Still, I appreciate the sentiment. To be honest I work for a really good company. That is just how my company says "thanks for all you do, and for not acting on that urge to burn down the building." It is kind of like in Elementary School when you tell the girl you really like that her breath smells like dog pooh and she response by throwing sand in your face and kicking you between the legs.

This won't come as a surprise but I am watching V. For those unaware it is about aliens that show up on earth claiming to be all peaceful and wanting to be our bffs. They are really total tool bags. This is a view of inside of one of their tool bag ships.

It looks nice, kind of like what people from the 70's thought outdoor malls would like in the 90's. Anyways my point, this imagine also shows us the great weakness of this ship. It must be really inefficient to heat. Your flying around in space, which is cold right, inside this thing. So while your waiting in line at the Orange Julius, all the hot air is going to rise to the top, leaving you wishing your religion didn't prohibit you from going to Starbucks and getting a nice warm cup of joe. Not only that but these tool bags aliens are really lizards which means cold blood, so this ship can't be particularly comfortable for them.

In the end who suffers? Orange Julius, and TCBY. I hate to see the Innocent suffer again and again at the hands of architects.

LSMFT ... LSMFT

Our vacation has come to an end, but not before I was finally able to take Kat and the kids to the Durham Tobacco Museum.

http://www.ibiblio.org/dukehome/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y-ZWyucnVI

Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. This is the sort of thing you will see at this unique museum.


I would have liked to have seen a little more on the downfall of big tobacco, but the animatronic tobacco farmer was just so bizarre it made up for a lot. One must appreciate these sort of things for what they are.

The following are a few other highlights.


We played American Idol on the Wii. My bio-chemist brother-in-law can almost always get a perfect score. Watching my sister sing Beyonce's "Crazy in Love" was everything I hoped it would be and Kat's rendition of "Pinball Wizard" exceeded expectations.


We went to a lake and I got this crazy idea to take my children on a paddle boat. Who doesn't like paddle boats? My kids that's who. If you think dealing with a two year old's tantrum in the candy section of your local Smiths is hard try it in a boat.

If you order something from the Waffle House other than the plain waffle, odds are it will make you sick. Eating at the Waffle house is like running a marathon. One doesn't just jump in and order the ham omelet. That sort of thing takes weeks of training. You start with the plain waffle, move on, over time, to the hash browns, then eggs. After six months or so your system will be prepared for perhaps a sandwich, or sausage. The Waffle House equivalent of a triathlon consists of biscuits and gravy, followed by the bacon egg and cheese sandwich, finished by the ham omelet and cheese covered grits.

Of course taking up smoking instead is most likely healthier.

Safe in NC

So I left Virginia. My final visit was to a place called Petersburg. Kat really enjoyed the battle field tour. Which makes me suspect that she may have been replaced by an alien or is currently on drugs. There isn't much in Petersburg, other than severe economic depression. There is a "Siege" musuem in downtown Petersburg. It wasn't a bad musuem, but it was one of those msueums that doesn't get visited very often so they were really excited to see us--or they thought we were trying to steal something--because we were followed closley throughout our visit.

Ten years ago I was a LDS missionary in Durham, North Carolina. When people ask "Jake, why are you so shockingly brave?" I reply with one single word ... Durham. Then I usually gaze into the distance to add the approprate level of dramatic effect. Today I returned to Downtown, and to my suprise someone cleaned it all up. The decaying tobacco factories are no longer ruins of a dying age but "fashionable" shopping center and high end condos. The bums are drinking lattes from cups made of recycled material instead of cheap liqour in brown paper bags. I didn't see a single person yelling creative and new curse words. People said "Hello" to me on the street instead of threatening to "cut" me. No one offered to sell me crack. Really, no one. It was really shocking. It like your long-haired cousin gets a hair cut and you don't reconize him.

To be honest the reason my Durham experience was, well let's say rough, has less to do with Durham and more to do with the missionaries I served with. Still Durham taught me that life can be total crap. Crap that has been put into a bag placed on someones porch and lit on fire. Still if Durham can change, then anything is possible.

Hello Monticello

Today I stood in another famous person bedroom, Thomas Jefferson. It was a nice, excluding the part where Smiley vomited all over the car and they only place we could find that sold clothing for toddlers sold only wife beaters with pictures of American Flags or hunting dogs on them. If I had more time I imagine I could have found one with the slogan "America, love or leave it." God, I love Southerns. I was a little concerned that the cashier as well as her doughnut eating supervisor where unsure on the exact location of the famous founding father's residents. They suggested I try "up the road some."

I digress, Monticello was very educational. I learned that no matter how many you ask they will not let you lay on his bed, or the bed that James Madison sleep in. I expected more of Southern hospitality. Also don't ask if the affair with Sally Hemming was legit or just an example of early 19th century sexual harassment. The tour guide will ignore the rest of your questions, included a particulary elloquent one about the Lousiana Purchase.

Red and I went to the smoke house. I was unable to convince her that it was not the place where the wicked Queen held price Phillip in sleeping Beauty. In fact she may have convinced me that it may be the place.

As I stood gazing at his house, I couldn't help but wonder if Jefferson would have liked me. Somehow I think he would have. We both love to make the most use of existing space, and one day I will have a small elavator that will bring me wine.

Virginia

I am just not seeing how Virginia is for lovers. I think they should change there motto to "Virginia, it is kind of like being in Apollos armpit, because it is hot as the surface of the sun yet sticky and wet." So far my stay has consisted of move 5 cubic yards of mulch and some museum visits.

First I visited the State Capital Building, which consisted shouting to my children "The Capital Building is not a toy!" Next was the Museum of the Confederacy. Forgive me for how this sounds, but my reproduction of Civil War clothing are way better than I thought. Next was a tour of the Confederate White House. Our guide may have had a bit of a crush on Jefferson Davies. It was a good tour, almost too good. There was just something in the way he looked at the photo of old Jeffy D. He might have a live size cutout hanging above his bed or something.

Finally I visit the Richmond Holocaust Museum. If your in Richmond and it starts hailing apocalyptic, baseball size hail then you should take shelter there. I think the roof would hold up nicely and it's free.

Old North State

Ten years ago I lived in NC. It wasn't a great period in my life, and for some reason that damn state keeps pulling me back in. The family and I flew out to visit my sister. Since she lives in an apartment, we all decided to go camping. I don't love camping but it was pretty great.

Yes, I did say something positive. I know, I am a little freaked out too.

The best part was hanging out with my sister and her family. The worst part was the large black snake I say in the woods when I went to take a pee. It was shocking. We also went to Fort Fisher, the last open port in the Confederacy. I walked the Union line of assault with Red on my back as she barked order to imaginary solders. Of course most of the orders where about getting sandwiches.

At the beach we all looked in amazement as Kat plugged into the freezing water. My sister and myself wouldn't go within ten feet. Kat just ran into it. We took Smile and my nephew to a train museum. It was nice, in kind of a creepy way. I know as a reenactor this is kind of the pot/kettle situation, but model railroading just seems, well, dumb. The only thing that would make Model Railroads interesting are if someone added Godzilla, but it never seems to happen.

I am currently in Virginia. I'll let you know how that turns out. Apparently it is for lovers.