Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Hello Monticello

Today I stood in another famous person bedroom, Thomas Jefferson. It was a nice, excluding the part where Smiley vomited all over the car and they only place we could find that sold clothing for toddlers sold only wife beaters with pictures of American Flags or hunting dogs on them. If I had more time I imagine I could have found one with the slogan "America, love or leave it." God, I love Southerns. I was a little concerned that the cashier as well as her doughnut eating supervisor where unsure on the exact location of the famous founding father's residents. They suggested I try "up the road some."

I digress, Monticello was very educational. I learned that no matter how many you ask they will not let you lay on his bed, or the bed that James Madison sleep in. I expected more of Southern hospitality. Also don't ask if the affair with Sally Hemming was legit or just an example of early 19th century sexual harassment. The tour guide will ignore the rest of your questions, included a particulary elloquent one about the Lousiana Purchase.

Red and I went to the smoke house. I was unable to convince her that it was not the place where the wicked Queen held price Phillip in sleeping Beauty. In fact she may have convinced me that it may be the place.

As I stood gazing at his house, I couldn't help but wonder if Jefferson would have liked me. Somehow I think he would have. We both love to make the most use of existing space, and one day I will have a small elavator that will bring me wine.

6 comments:

Melissa said...

I normal don't love a travel log, but I could read these all day. Thanks for chronicling this trip.

Your description of your line of questioning on the Monticello tour was top notch.

Flashy said...

Thanks, I hate them too and didn't plan on doing one. However, I have found if I get on my computer right after dinner and start complaining about my job people assume I am doing something important and I get out of doing the dishes.

That Girl said...

LMAO!! Oh my GOSH you are FUNNY!! Next time you go on a tour, please have someone record you on their video camera. I would LOVED To have heard all of your questions. Oh, and I'm certain you and Jefferson would have been the best of friends.

Anonymous said...

You used my question about the Louisiana purchase? I'm proud of you! and frankly quite disappointed with the tour guide for ignoring it. Did you ask them about the embargo?

Stacey said...

I LOVE Monticello. Seriously one of the best tours I've ever been on. But, I kind of have a thing for Thomas Jefferson, so I'm probably biased.

MackenziLee said...

jake, your blog is hilarious. As I perused this entry just now, I couldn't keep myself from laughing out loud...multiple times. My roommate kept looking over at me and finally asked what i was reading.
Anyways, your blog is hilarious. The end.