Sound tracks

Sometimes I hum the Indian Jones theme when I am doing something mundane, like changing a light bulb, or getting the mail. It just makes the experience seem dangerous and exciting. I am 99% sure I was humming it at Walmart while I was trying to pick out some oatmeal to keep at my desk at work.

Advice

I am not really what one would call athletic, at least in the traditional sort of way. I enjoy running very long distances and the occasional game of badminton, but the appeal of most sports has always eluded me. I do golf, but if you have been to a golf course I think you will agree that being athletic isn't required.

When I was younger I played some baseball derivatives such as tee-ball, and something where a machine shoots a hard, large, yellow ball at you. You are then expected to hit the ball with a bat.

One time our coach was trying to teach us (I think mostly me) to catch something he called a pop fly. His advice was to stand directly beneath where the ball was going to land and then catch it in your glove. I was unable to grasp why anyone would consider placing themselves in the path of such a projectile. It's just a game after all.

So, he would hit one of these pop flys and shout my name indicating that I should catch the ball. My natural instincts took over and I would watch the ball land softly on the grass from a safe distance. It just seemed like the responsible thing to do. Eventually I was forced to at least look like I was trying to catch the ball, but there was no way in hell I was going to place myself in a situation where if I failed the ball would hit me in face.

He keep shouting "Don't be afraid of the ball!"

It was like suggesting to a crazy person, "Hey have you tried not being crazy." Or suggesting to communist Cuba, "You guys should just stop being Communist." There just wasn't anything practical I could do with that advice.

Also the evidence at hand suggested otherwise. Have you seen the kind of bruises those machines can leave?

Happy British Parliament Abolishes Slave Trade Day

Slave Trade Act of 1807 was passed on March 25, outlawing the transatlantic slave trade. Of course it took until 1833 to abolish slavery in the Empire but it was a solid first step. I am proud to say the US followed suit the same year. It took us until 1865 and a rather nasty war to do away with the barbaric practice all together, but nobody is perfect.

There are two stories I think everyone should be familiar with. They are bit grim, but this is about slavery.

The first is the massacre aboard the British slaver Zong. Where the a#$hat captain tossed 133 sick slaves overboard in order to collect the insurance. He had overcrowded his ship which lead to malnutrition and disease.

The second is the story of the Haitian Revolution of 1791-1804. After a long a bloody affair Haiti was proclaimed a Free Republic and became the first post colonial independent Black lead in the world.

Talent 2

A few weeks ago Red starred in her Preschool's production of the Caterpillar's Voice. I think it was an an allegore of rise and fall of the Soviet Union, but am not quite sure. She played the part of a rabbit who comes home to discover some horrible creature in her house. This creature fightens away even the most terrible and large animals. In the end it turns out to be a simple caterpllar, making a lot of noise. Of course a frog is the one who figures this out. I get so tired of the sterotypes attributed to frogs. Frogs are not any better or worse than any other animals.

I strongly suspect she will be a "Method " actor like her old man.



This is the only video footage I didn't screw up.

Talent

Saturday was the Primary Talent show. Red did the dance as seen below. Kat and her had practiced all week to prepare. Of course when the moment came she wanted daddy to dance with her. Finally something I learned in Junior high German class paid off.


Pretty great, isn't it. Also that song is really long.

One kid's talent was kicking himself in the head which he did repeatedly. What do you expect out of a town that would elect Chris Buttars.

Friday

It finally here my friends, Friday. I love Friday. It heralds in three days of running, drinking, TV, sleeping in, chasing my kids, the occasionally historical reenactments and hanging out with the wife. I almost love Friday more than the actual weekend because of the anticipation. It is 10:00 and things are going a bit slow. So just in case you are experiencing something simliar, don't fear, your old buddy here at Paradise Vendor has your back.

Here is a list of Web TV shows that might get your though the day.

http://www.watchtheguild.com/

http://effinfunny.com/legend-of-neil
This one is actual a little crude. Just thought I would warn you.

http://www.youtube.com/user/blamesocietyfilms#p/c/639A58EC9D0C1A09/0/7755vuRLJ-Q

I that doesn't work, you could always try text from last night.

Good luck folks!

By the way, if you don't find this funny you might want to try drinking water from Riverton. I think there is something in it.

It's a Long Way to Tennesee

Thursday, I left work a bit early to meet one of my Civil War comrades. He was in need of a few items for an event in Tennessee. An event I wasn't planning on attending. The next thing I knew I was eating a nasty gas station sandwich somewhere in Nebraska at 3:00 in the morning. I don't know why I let my self get talked into these things, but I am glade it happens. The event was....... well, lets call it educational.

Luckily the ride was not all that bad. They two guys I went with are fairly talented conversationalist and easy traveling companions. Plus I got to yell obscenities out the window at Missouri.

Here is the background of the event. Just so you know I went as a US soldier.
http://www.intextlighting.com/Backwater1865/Welcome.html


Here are the event highlights/wtf moments.
1, It was held in Tennessee, yet we were portraying event that took place in North Carolina.
2. Some guy portrayed a soldier who had been arrested for rape and was latter executed. I found this extremely creepy, and treated him accordingly.
3. We had to always maintain 1st person. Meaning we could not talk about events outside of the 1860's. Most people find this challenging so there isn't much conversation. Making my loud and somewhat obnoxious behavior much more apparent.
4. It rained the entire time. At least I got to see what it feels like to march in Tennessee mud. In case you are curious it is about he same as Utah, Virginia, New Mexico or any other mud on the stupid planet.
5. We built fortifications. I chopped a tree in half with an ax. They were not the fortifications I would trust my life too, but we gave it the old college try.
6. One of my companions captured a Rebel. We named him "Son of a Bitch."
7. It was so cold we were forced to share blankets, aka spoon. Luckily we are all secure in our masculinity, at least that is what we are telling ourselves.

All in all I am glad I went.

Hampton Roads

I don't have a lot of time, but today is the anniversary of the Battle of Hampton Roads where two of the first Iron Clad Vessels slugged it out before they eventual got board and went home. What were the names of the epic vessels? Well if you don't know than may I suggest that public education has failed you and perhaps you should right your Congressmen about expanding the budget for public education.

I've been to the site. It's nice, but that is not what I wanted to talk about.

Saturday was the anniversary of the final assault on the Alamo. Do you know how many movies have been made at this epic event. Neither do I, but I do know that big names such as John Wayne, Alec Baldwin and Billy Bob Thorton have played the roles of Davy Crockett, William Travis and Jack Ryan. Just thought I should mention it. My wife is after all a native born Texan.

Lesson Learned

A couple of weekend ago I learned that if you let your two year and four year old run around with wooden spoons, they will eventually hit you in the junk.

I also learned how to make a canteen out of a gourd. Beyond (pause for dramatic effect) my creation.
Gourds were an essential part of life to primitive and not so primitive cultures. Much like M&M's they have a hard, sturdy shell. Unlike M&M the inside does not taste great. They do not leak, and are very light. I created this one for my Mormon Battalion Historical Impression. The wood or tin canteen the Battalion were issued proved less effective in the deserts of New Mexico and Arizona so they used these strange looking plants. I tried to reproduce a strap that would have assuming the owner would reuse it.

Please don't ask why I would want to recreate the Mormon Battalion because I don't have an answer. Seriously, I have no idea why I am doing this.