Well, we made it.

Well, we made it through another year. To be honest I wasn't always so sure it was going to happen.

What have I learned the last year? Well, I don't really remember right now. I was hoping to learn more but there was so much good television on. To celebrate new years I watched Mystery Men.

This movie came out ten years ago. The same year I began a mission for the LDS Church. My district watched it. I was told we had permission but I think that was a lie. On New Years in 1999 most missionaries in Cary, North Carolina had fallen asleep by 10:00 or so, but I stayed up. I remember walking out on our back porch listening to people celebrating and drinking as 12:00 came and went. I have never, in my life, felt more alone than at that moment.

Then a line from the movie came to me as if by inspiration. In the movie the Shoveller says "Lucille, God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well." My super power is cleaning. I clean well, I clean really well. I instantly felt better. Oh, I still felt alone, but the pure absurdity of existence and the series of events that had brought me to where I was, struck me as bizarre. I was glade to have made it through that year, and felt hope for the future. "After all", I thought to myself, "things surely can't get worse than they are now."

Of course I was wrong, but it was a nice moment, even if it was only a moment.

Anyways, enough of that nonsense. Here are my prediction for 2010!

1. Once again, no flying cars. I don't know what the "scientist" are doing with there time.
2. Shark attacks will be down.
3. Bear attacks will be up.
4. Killer Bees and global warming will lead to a new threat... fire breathing killer bees that will spread fear into the hearts of men.
5. Twilight will continue to annoy the crap out of me throughout the year.
6. My family and extended family will continue to be totally awesome.
7. Leg warmers will make a come back. Bell Bottoms will not.
8. Walmart will turn out to be the "Great and Abdominal" Church, spoken of in the Book of Mormon.
9. I will forget where I parked my car at least 23 times.
10. I will convince myself, once again, that raising my own chickens is a good idea.

Bring it 2010. If your dare, and 2009 don't let the door hit you on A$% on your way out.

Toothpaste

Have you ever used kid's bubble gum flavored tooth paste instead of normal adult tooth paste? It sounds like fun, doesn't it. Bubble gum is always next to the candy at the grocery store so it should taste good right? Wrong! It is horrible. Not only does it not feel like your teeth are getting a proper cleaning but the taste is not refreshing in the least, which is something I think we all expect from tooth paste. The word I would use to describe the taste, is unpleasant. It is not vomit inducing by any means but still not fun.

Sexism at the Fabric Store

I sew, rather well I might add. I make all of my clothing used in my historic interpretation. I do my utmost to follow 19th century techniques, patterns and research to find the most correct material.

When I go to the fabric store I always get this hint of "silly boy sewing is for girls" which I find a bit distasteful. Given, this may be all in my head. Yesterday I went into a quilting store in search of some specific cotton. While there, I inquired about silk. The lady showed me some fake silk. Of course this may look the part, but it does not breath the same as real silk and will hamper my recreating the experience of wearing a proper 19th century cravat. I don't falt her for this because few reenactors even understand this attitude. Then she began telling me about how my mom or wife can help me with my "little" project, then says that is "after all that is what they are there for."

I am surrounded by very strong and successful women. My mom is an extremely successful accountant. My mother in law is a gifted and successful nurse. Both these women sew very well, but they also have some mad technical skills. My wife who does not sew quit as well as I do is, frankly, the most brilliant, caring, patient, loving person on the whole damn planet. I like to think they are "there" for more than to help me with a little sewing.

In this ladies defense I am sure she meant that moms, wives, fathers, husbands and families in general are there to help each other.

I also came a crossed this story the other day a sales person say "happy holidays" to a lady. She got pissed and started yelling at him about how it is "Merry Christmas" and he should not have to say anything different. He responds, by telling her he is an atheist so for him it is "Happy Holidays." I love the Holidays.

Thanks France

Today in 1777 France recognized America's independence. I really like the French for two reasons. First, they supported us in our struggle against the British. Though, personally I think they only did it to screw with the United Kingdom.

Second, when I visited Europe people seemed to be drawn to me. I had a 20 minute conversion with a Portuguese gentleman even though I don't speak that language. In the UK I got the entire life story of some sad man while sitting on a bench in Hyde park. The French just left me the hell alone, and I really appreciated that.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDaLDpu0rZc

Also in 1745, Bonnie Prince Charlie was forced back into the depths of Scotland, from hence he had come.

Are you Bored?

Sometimes I wish I had an excited job like the people on TV. At work I never have to defuse a bomb, deal with alien invaders, or fight monsters. Godzilla never comes to my town, but that may have something to do with the liqueur laws.

But there is something I have that not even Godzilla has and that's Cheeseburger Friday. It is the must wonderful and magical workday of the week. I imagine if I did have a job as describe above there would be Fridays so busy I would be unable to get a Cheeseburger and that's just really sad. How often do you see people on those TV shows eating Cheeseburgers on Fridays?

In case you have a Job that does not make Cheeseburger Friday possible I have included a few clips to cheer you up a little. One even mocks Glen Beck.

Oh, I almost forgot, I should warn you the one on the end has a joke about mobius strip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcEpdxsWZLA
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-december-10-2009/beck---not-so-mellow-gold
http://fora.tv/2009/11/08/Science_Laughs_The_Comedy_of_Norm_Goldblatt

Things I like and Don't Like About the 21st Century

Some one asked me if I would prefer to live int he 19th century. In order to answer this question I made the following list.

Don't Like
1. Radioactive pollution.
2. Telephones - I will use them to engage in interesting conversation but I still prefer to talk to people face to face.
3. Doctors never prescribe Whiskey or Brandy as medicine.
4. You can't wear a top hat and tailcoat and not look like a weirdo.
5. Dancing - We went to a Ball last night and it was great.

6. Nobody takes trains anymore.
7. Glen Beck

Likes
1. Indoor heating and cooling
2. Fast Food - It is slowing killing us all but I am diggin the ride.
3. Email - Limits the need for telephones.
4. Vaccinations
5. Lots of people go to college.
6. T.V.
7. I don't have to be a farmer.
8. Nachos
9. Neither James Buchanan or Matrin Van Buren is President of the United States.
10. Blog Stocking - You know you do it.
11. The Nicklecade

Looks like 21st century wins.

A few New Christmas List Items

Someone requested a few more items for my Christmas List that can be purchased off Amazon.

1. From Desert to Bayou: The Civil War Journal and Sketches of Morgan Wolfe Merrick
2. Rebels on the Rio Grande: The Civil War Journal of A.B. Peticolas