St Patrick's ay

I am not a decedent of Ireland nor am I Catholic, so ST Patrick's Day isn't really my thing.

However, I would like to point out that St Patrick was brought to Ireland as a slave by ........................ Vikings.




Ireland, you are welcome.

Villian Correction

The Author of Melissamerica pointed out that I should consider adding Heth Ledger from the new Batman. I actually have not seen it as of yet. I am not proud of this fact but there wee are. I want to add a new Villain to my list.

Jack Nicholson playing the Joker.

I am sure Mr Ledger did a fine job, but Mr Nicholson has so many fantastic lines.

Here are a few samples.

"Batman... Batman... Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a *bat* gets all of my press? This town needs an enema! "

"Oh, little song, little dance. Batman's head on a lance. "

Day Light Savings Time/Correlation

Ben Franklin supposedly conceived of the daylight saving times and I will never, ever forgive that no good, cheating, ass goblin.

I hate daylight saving time. I really, really, really hate it.

On a more cheerful note, according to the New York Times Utah is the happiest states in the US. Apparently Utah also downloads more porn than any other state. The fact that I learned these two facts with a period of two days is really creeping me out. I need some Fritos.

A Villian's Villian

Recently I took an online test that scientifically measures how evil you would be if you were a evil villain. I scored very, very low. To quote Dr Evil, I am semi-evil, quasi-evil, the margarine of evil, the Diet Coke of evil. I tell myself it is not due to a lack of creativity in evil scheming but due to the fact that I can be easily bought off and am a bit lazy. Apparently evil villains must have a firm dedication to mayhem, chaos and destruction. I have a firm dedication to tacos, sleeping in and watching TV.

So I have decided to make a list of top villains. I am ranking them according to their ability to cause mayhem, chaos and destruction as well as there overall commitment level. I hope this will be helpful in some way, but I don't really see how. In some cases I also included a alternative "Hero" I really think would make a good match. If you have similar list or a disagreement on some point please pass it on to me.

10. The Operative (Serenity) - He is elegant, and kills with a sword. Classic.

9. Major Toht, Colonel Vogel and the Nazis (Indian Jones) - These Goose-stepping morons should try reading books instead of burning them!

8. Cylons (Battlestar Galactic) - They were created by man, they Rebelled, they evolved, they look like us, and they have a plan. They would also get their asses handed to them by John Mclane. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfragger!

7. Hans Gruber or Elliot Marston - The clenched teeth of Alan Rickman are so fantastically evil.

6. King Edward 1 (Braveheart) - At one part of the movie this guy just through a dude out a window. Who does that?

5. Lex Luther -(Superman - but only Kevin Spacey or Gene Hackman) - "The Greatest Criminal Mind on Earth!" Lex of course must rank high, even if Superman would be a total wuss without his "special" powers. Diana Troy would beat the crap out of him, all things being equal.

4. Khan (Star Trek II) - This Melville quoting, genetically alter super human will stop at nothing to get his revenge.

3. Madam Defarge (Tale of Two Cities) - She knits while watching Madam guillotine at work. That trait alone could put her to the top. I think a great match for her would be Viper Ace Lt Thrash.

2. Benjamin Linus (Lost) - He might look like Beaker but this guy is creepy as hell. One minute he is your buddy the next he is trying to strangle you to death. You never know where you stand with old Linus.

1. Daleks (Dr Who) - Unlike most of the above, these guys have no desire to rule the world or the galaxy. They want to destroy it. Why? Because it is not Dalek. They built a bomb that would destroy every particle of matter in the universe. They have no match in scale or dedication. Thus they are are # 1. Only one person, other than the Doctor and his companions, is resourceful to take on these bad guys, Captain Kathern Janeway. Go kick some ass Kathy.

Honorable Mentions include

Judge Doom creator of Dip (Who Framed Rogger Rabbit)

Paris Hilton

Count Olof (A Series of unfortunate Event)

Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader (Star Wars)

Dr Horrible (Dr Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog. I know he is quasi evil as well but I love him)

Alien (From Aliens)

Marvin the Martian (He wanted to destroy the Earth because it blocked his view of Venus)

Martians (War of the Worlds)

Smog (The Hobbit)

Saraman and Soron, (Lord of the Rings)

Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy (Word Girl)

The Moonites (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

Viva La Revolution VS the Little Princess

One of my favorite subject to study is revolutions. Big small, red, blue, I enjoy learning about them all. Some of my favs include (but are not limited to) the American Revolution, the French Revolution, and the Haitian Revolution.s

One of Red's favorite subjects is Princesses. See below.

She also has everything required to reenact most classic fairy tales. We have knights, horses, fairies, peasants, kings, queens, castles, cottages, scores of dragons and wide selection of animals. We often play a game were we reenact the Disney's classic hit, Sleeping Beauty.

I can't remember the story word for word like mom, so I have to improvise. Sometimes I add story lines from my interests, such as power struggles between the king and queen and their knights or I throw in a peasant revolt. Sometimes I introduce new characters like "The Evil Death Zebra" who is an obvious reference to Napoleon Bonaparte.

Sometimes Red changes the story. Such as adding a small army of "scary" Dragons and Dinosaurs that combine their strength and force everyone into hiding until they are liberated by a giant snake and it's little baby.

I suspect the Dragons and Dinosaurs might represent the Prussians and Austrians, or possibly Nazi Germany. Red is a very deep thinker for a three year old. I am still unclear about the snake and baby snake but it might be a biblical reference to the story of Moses and the Snake on the Staff.

If we are really luck we are joined by Smiley. He usually plays the roll of "Babyzilla" who captures unsuspecting victims, puts them in his mouth, and wanders away with them. Smiley's portrayal of "Babyzilla" is as humorous as it is heart warming.

I think the true moral of the story is, that no matter how many Peasant Revolts, Dragons, Dinosaurs, or Evil Death Zebras you face in life, there is always something out there who wants to put you in its month.

GO TEAM!!!!!!!

Happy B-Day, Dudes

Today is the 200th Birthday of two very great, yet fairly unattractive men.

First we have old Honest Abe Lincoln, the Formidable Ass Kicker of Slavery. Civil war, crazy wife, death and destruction, Lincoln's story has it all. Yet, he did great thing and is remembered as, perhaps, the greatest US President. As the man said "whatever you are, be a good one."



Second is Mr. Charles Darwin, author of Origin of Species. I really like Darwin and not only because he has been pissing off Conservative Christian for so very long, or because he is doing this while sporting an old testament style beard, but because he came up with one hell of an idea. Well done Mr Darwin.

This is the Happest Place on Earth???

This weekend I went to Disney Land for the very first time in my life. Taking on such an endeavor with a 3 year old, 1 year old and extended family is no small task. It require immense amounts of energy and patience.

So here is the report from our epic voyage. Of course I apologize for the absurd length of this post.

I was usually lucky, due my new religious perspective, or lack thereof, I had no qualms skipping church and spending Sunday in the park. So Red and I packed a bag went off by ourselves for some quality daddy-daughter time.

First we meet Cruella De Vil, who was rather cleaver. Her witty insults, were a breath of fresh air amidst all that painfully, happy music. Red and I proceeded to Sleeping Beauty's Castle, which she loved. We wondered through dark corridors and she told me about each display. It was really cute for about the first eight time, on the ninth it got kind of old. Still I enjoyed watching Red enjoy it. She of course liked when the witch changed into the dragon the best. Here is a photo of Red and Grandpa.

On we went to the Flying Dumbo thing, the Tea Cups, and the Carousel. She giggled on all of them. She really enjoyed the Storybook ride. the detail on the little houses was amazing. We called it the whale ride because you go in through the gaping jaws of a whale. Red must have been concern about me because me, when we were waiting inline she would pat me on the shoulder, shake her head and say "It's not scary daddy."

After all that, we went to some kind of island and spent our time eating snacks and sneaking around looking for pirates. The Jungle Cruz, however, may have been her all time favorite. If you ask her about she it she might say "the Hippo does this" and open her mouth as wide as she can. She also really enjoyed Star Tours. Though she thought we were in Doctor Who's Tardis. She thought the robots were really funny. That ride had real 1980 feel to it, I was a bit unprepared for.

Smileys favorite was pointing out any cats or cows he could find. Other than that Disney Land didn't impress him much. His favorites where just about anything that spins. As long as he wasn't tired or hunger, and there were no cats, or cows that needed to be pointed out. Here is a photo of Mrs Big and a charming pirate, who did not, as I was hoping, smell like rum.

Red and Hopper of course.
It was a good trip, in kind of an exhausting, painful sort of way. I had more fun than I thought I would. Not something I could do every year but cuteness was off the chart with the kids. It was great to see them have so much fun. Red loved it, except for Toon Town. There was a weird energy about that place. We went on the Roger Rabbit ride and both came out rather disturbed. Which brings me to ......

The Top Ten WFT Disney Moments.

1. Pinocchio's Daring Adventure. That whole story is just screwed up. Kids turning into donkey's and such.

2. Cleanliness of a Hypochondriac. The place was freakishly clean, I would place trash and the ground and try to time how long until it was pickup. I am not complaining it was just surprising.

3. The Rogger Rabbit Ride. I can't place my figure on it but this ride really freaked Red and I out. There was just something about it is unnatural about it.

4. Gift Shop Treachery. On some rides you exit through gift shops, full of people trying to sell you crap you don't need but that you kids wan ... Sneaky Bastards.

5. The big CALIFORNIA sign in front of California Adventure. The fact the park is named after the state is bad enough, this sign should say NARCISSISTIC.

6. Happy music is everywhere seeping into your pours. If I ever get Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah out of my head it will be a miracle.

7. Splash Mountain. This ride is based on the Briar Rabbit Tale from Song of the South. Which Disny has never released due to it racist content. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038969/synopsis There was all sort of strange singing animals on this ride. Mrs Big, her sister and I were trapped for sometime in this ride. I now know what hell is. Just look at the photo below.

8. Lines. Holy hell, we went during the off season and it was still insane. It was like stories I used to hear about food shortages in the old USSR.

9. Abomibale Snow Monster. I like the Mattorhorn, you are riding along, enjoying the roller coaster and, wham, suddenly the Abomimable Snow appears and starts growling at you.

10. Mr Toads Wild Ride - I don't know if you are familiar with the Wind and Willow, but from what I can remember Mr Toad's vice is a love of excitement and he get into a bit of trouble because of a motor cars he acquires. Well the ride either expands on this story or gives a parallel universe kind of version of this story. In ride version of the story Mr Toads actual dies and then goes to hell, really he goes to hell.

I almost put Disney Land people here because one accidentally hit me in the groan with her purse. It was really awkward. Anyways, you know the type, those people that are way too into Disney Land. They often sport some kind of stupid hat, but they seemed so genuinely happy that it just feels wrong to harsh their buzz. Plus they can provide valuable insight on the location of the closest restroom.

No Alcohol is sold in Disney Land, if it is I couldn't find it. Which surprises me because I think it in would all make more sense if one was a little drunk.

Please keep in mind that is not a smile on my face in the photo below but a grimace.