This is the Happest Place on Earth???

This weekend I went to Disney Land for the very first time in my life. Taking on such an endeavor with a 3 year old, 1 year old and extended family is no small task. It require immense amounts of energy and patience.

So here is the report from our epic voyage. Of course I apologize for the absurd length of this post.

I was usually lucky, due my new religious perspective, or lack thereof, I had no qualms skipping church and spending Sunday in the park. So Red and I packed a bag went off by ourselves for some quality daddy-daughter time.

First we meet Cruella De Vil, who was rather cleaver. Her witty insults, were a breath of fresh air amidst all that painfully, happy music. Red and I proceeded to Sleeping Beauty's Castle, which she loved. We wondered through dark corridors and she told me about each display. It was really cute for about the first eight time, on the ninth it got kind of old. Still I enjoyed watching Red enjoy it. She of course liked when the witch changed into the dragon the best. Here is a photo of Red and Grandpa.

On we went to the Flying Dumbo thing, the Tea Cups, and the Carousel. She giggled on all of them. She really enjoyed the Storybook ride. the detail on the little houses was amazing. We called it the whale ride because you go in through the gaping jaws of a whale. Red must have been concern about me because me, when we were waiting inline she would pat me on the shoulder, shake her head and say "It's not scary daddy."

After all that, we went to some kind of island and spent our time eating snacks and sneaking around looking for pirates. The Jungle Cruz, however, may have been her all time favorite. If you ask her about she it she might say "the Hippo does this" and open her mouth as wide as she can. She also really enjoyed Star Tours. Though she thought we were in Doctor Who's Tardis. She thought the robots were really funny. That ride had real 1980 feel to it, I was a bit unprepared for.

Smileys favorite was pointing out any cats or cows he could find. Other than that Disney Land didn't impress him much. His favorites where just about anything that spins. As long as he wasn't tired or hunger, and there were no cats, or cows that needed to be pointed out. Here is a photo of Mrs Big and a charming pirate, who did not, as I was hoping, smell like rum.

Red and Hopper of course.
It was a good trip, in kind of an exhausting, painful sort of way. I had more fun than I thought I would. Not something I could do every year but cuteness was off the chart with the kids. It was great to see them have so much fun. Red loved it, except for Toon Town. There was a weird energy about that place. We went on the Roger Rabbit ride and both came out rather disturbed. Which brings me to ......

The Top Ten WFT Disney Moments.

1. Pinocchio's Daring Adventure. That whole story is just screwed up. Kids turning into donkey's and such.

2. Cleanliness of a Hypochondriac. The place was freakishly clean, I would place trash and the ground and try to time how long until it was pickup. I am not complaining it was just surprising.

3. The Rogger Rabbit Ride. I can't place my figure on it but this ride really freaked Red and I out. There was just something about it is unnatural about it.

4. Gift Shop Treachery. On some rides you exit through gift shops, full of people trying to sell you crap you don't need but that you kids wan ... Sneaky Bastards.

5. The big CALIFORNIA sign in front of California Adventure. The fact the park is named after the state is bad enough, this sign should say NARCISSISTIC.

6. Happy music is everywhere seeping into your pours. If I ever get Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah out of my head it will be a miracle.

7. Splash Mountain. This ride is based on the Briar Rabbit Tale from Song of the South. Which Disny has never released due to it racist content. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038969/synopsis There was all sort of strange singing animals on this ride. Mrs Big, her sister and I were trapped for sometime in this ride. I now know what hell is. Just look at the photo below.

8. Lines. Holy hell, we went during the off season and it was still insane. It was like stories I used to hear about food shortages in the old USSR.

9. Abomibale Snow Monster. I like the Mattorhorn, you are riding along, enjoying the roller coaster and, wham, suddenly the Abomimable Snow appears and starts growling at you.

10. Mr Toads Wild Ride - I don't know if you are familiar with the Wind and Willow, but from what I can remember Mr Toad's vice is a love of excitement and he get into a bit of trouble because of a motor cars he acquires. Well the ride either expands on this story or gives a parallel universe kind of version of this story. In ride version of the story Mr Toads actual dies and then goes to hell, really he goes to hell.

I almost put Disney Land people here because one accidentally hit me in the groan with her purse. It was really awkward. Anyways, you know the type, those people that are way too into Disney Land. They often sport some kind of stupid hat, but they seemed so genuinely happy that it just feels wrong to harsh their buzz. Plus they can provide valuable insight on the location of the closest restroom.

No Alcohol is sold in Disney Land, if it is I couldn't find it. Which surprises me because I think it in would all make more sense if one was a little drunk.

Please keep in mind that is not a smile on my face in the photo below but a grimace.