My First Lesson in Socialism

I am an Eagle Scout, and my mom didn't get it for me. Yet I hated scouting. For the most part it was a waste of time and money.

Once I attended some sort of regional camp (500+ Scouts) on a frozen reserve. At about 10:00 p.m large cracks suddenly began to appear in the ice directly beneath us. One kid panicked and sprinted toward the shore disappearing into the night. It took two hours find him and fair amount of questioning his courage and manhood to convince him to return to the camp site. I thought the treatment he received most unfair. Of course my latest hit single "We are all going to Die, in Icy Tombs" didn't help.

The Scout Master once accused me of being on drugs. He called my parents and told the bishop. I used to burn incense a lot on these camps, because, lets face it, scouts smell. I don't mean that as an insult it is just a fact of life. Plus I was reading BH Robert's Compressive History of the Church, had fantastic grades, and had taken to helping the widows in my neighborhood with their yard work, free of charge. Clearly all the signs of a heroine addict. Luckly I had the widows on my side.

Still it would be lie to say I didn't learn anything from scouting. One of my fist lessons in the weakness in Socialism came as a young Scout. We were given the task of selling Scout-O-Rama Tickets. Unlike Girl Scouts, who sell fantastical addicting cookies, Scouts sell tickets to the lamest show on earth. BSA use prises to incentive Scouts to sell these tickets. I hit the streets after school, on Saturdays, ever spare moment was spent trying to con people in buying the tickets. I used my boyish charm and as much manipulation as I could muster. I contacted every relative, neighbor and random stranger I could. I event tried to sell them during church, which is frowned upon.

I sold enough tickets to get a truly awesome bow and arrow, that I was going to use to ride the world of evil. You can imagine my feelings when I received a football. I couldn't throw or even catch a football, how was I supposed to fit evil with a damn football. I latter found out that the Scout Leader had felt sorry for the fat, lazy, stupid kids that had stay homed watching Teenage Mutan Ninja Turtle, and thus unable to sell as many tickets. The sales records were altered so that it appeared every kid sold the same amount and so we all got footballs.

That was the last ticket I sold, and have yet to ride the world of evil.

Troubles, Tribulations, Werewolfs

Friday night I was enjoying a glass of Shiraz, when I heard an unexpected knock at my door. It was my mother, who had come to babysit the kids. One of us had mixed up our days, but I never cancel or waste a babysitting. So I downed the rest of wine, shoved the car keys into Kat's hand and we left in a whirlwind of energy uncommon when Shiraz is involved. As we are pulling out of the driveway, Kat informed me that she had promised to go see "New Moon" with her sister. Of course the Shiraz, that I had just hastily consumed, thought this sounded like an acceptable activity.

The movie can me summed up with the following phrases,

Shirtless Indians
Pale, Creepy eyed Weirdos
Lots of moping about
No Zombies

15-30 minutes in I found my self outside the theater drinking the emergency Fuzy Navel I keep in my trunk for just this sort of thing desperately hoping that the it would erase shirtless Edward from my mind's eye for ever. It was not to be.

Vampires and Shiraz should not be trusted.

Jeffy D.

Guess who was inaugurated today in 1861? That 's right Jeffy D, Confederate President Jefferson Davis.

Apparently you can buy the T-shirt.
http://www.zazzle.com/jefferson_davis_yearbook_shirt-235801923104067677

If that's not your thing perhaps I could suggest one of the following.

http://www.zazzle.com/kansas_keeping_america_safe_from_missouri_tee_tshirt-235033313019177830

http://www.zazzle.com/the_north_defending_civil_war_champions_tshirt-235275934034097553

Utah

I like poeple like Mr Wimmer. There never ending flow of crazy keeps us all on our toes.

http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_14317552
http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=6367553

Utah, too small for a Republic too large for an Insane Asylum.

Robin Hood

Lately my most excellent wife and I have been watching the BBC's tea time Drama, "Robin Hood." http://www.bbc.co.uk/robinhood/

So far it has been a British Version of "Zina Warrior Princes" without the lesbian sexual tension. The costuming is absurdly modern, and the characters are cartoonishly simple. Still I must admit I do enjoy watching it.

The hero is played by this scruffy looking fellow. You can see his equally scruffy band, behind him.

The only non scruff looking person in the entire show would be Marian who runs around at night as the "Night Watchman", the medieval equivalent of Bat Girl.

I find myslef always sideing with the villian Sir Guy of Gisborne as seen below.

Of the course the major reason for this behavior is his fantastic hair. It's like he just stepped out of an 80's hair band.

Of course other than the hair, I suggest the following as an explanation for this tendency. The Robin Legend is basically the "Evil/treasonous" Prince John abusing the good people of England with outrageous taxes while the "good/handsome" King Richard is away fighting the Third Crusade. Robin Hood arrives to assit the common people. The reality is Richard used England as a way to fund his wars. He reportable once claimed he would sell England if he could find an appropriate buyer. England also had to pay an outrageous ransom when Richard got himself captured by Duke Leopold of Austria. That right Austria. So it seems dear Richard is the one behind the offending taxes not John. Prince John on the other hand sealed the Magna Carta one of the first steps to limited government that we enjoy today.

But it is mostly the hair.

Pod Casts

I just wanted to do a little free advertising for two superb pod casts. I suppose I should warn that a lot of this information shared is not what one would call faith promoting.

The first is a panel led by John Larsen. The panel consist of people who have all been or currently are Mormons. Some have strong testimonies, some are now atheists/agnostics like myself, the rest are somewhere in between. Mr. Larsen does an excellent job. I would recommend the two part episode on Nauvoo Expositor. http://mormonexpression.com/

The second is produced by John Dehlin. Mr. Dehlin took a hiatus and has just recently started producing shows again. John believes that the LDS Church is a good institution and even if all of the claims are not true, it can make people better. I am mucho excited he has returned. I would recommend his interview with Grant Palmer or Todd Compton.
http://mormonstories.org/

If you need something to listen to while running these are great.

Computer Troubles

Today I had to fix my computer with a binder clip. I don't know if this is really cool, or really sad.