My wife has a very large extended family. This weekend is their big get together, complete with Temple session, expensive lunch, BBQ and of course the family photo. The word that best describes these photos is epic. I don't think anyone knows the exactly number of people in these photos, some say thousand other tens of thousands, one recent estimate placed the number at half a million. All with Grandma and Grandpa in the middle. Finding yourself or someone you actually know by name in this photo is a lot like finding the early 90's sensation Waldo.
The one and only time I have actual been a part of this I attempted to add an artistic quality to the photo by looking away from the camera instead of at the camera. It was meant to represent the marriage of individualism and conformity. Mans need to be different yet part of the group. As will all great artists I was widely criticized and in the end they photo shopped my head from another photo so I was looking at the camera. I guess they just weren't ready for my bold new approach.
Unfortunately, this year I am so behind at work that I will be unable to make any of it, and since I keep my work life and private life separate no one will be able to prove otherwise.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Mormon Battlion Ettiquete
Last week I and a small group of my most dedicated Confederate friends joined the ranks of a Mormon Battalion unit. There were people as far away as Southern California and Michigan. Despite our most best efforts, (when it got hot our efforts may have been on the mediocre side of best) I fear we failed to make many friends. Still they were all very nice, so I made a list of things that may make Mormon Battalion reenactors uncomfortable.
1. Don't ever shout "I've got the gun the killed old Joe Smith and it's loaded for Bringham Young" even if it is part of a riveting tale about how you were recently hired to play the part of one of the fellows who arrested and/or shot Joseph Smith. Out of context it sounds a little shocking.
2. If one of your ranks uses a product forbidden by the most recent interpretation of the Word of Wisdom seconds before the parade begins and another Battalion Member says "The Battalion didn't used tobacco" don't go into a lecture of the history of the Word of Wisdom. If you can't help yourself consider leaving out the portion about Bringham Young's use of chew.
3. If one of the the California's happens to criticize your state's politics or culture, just ignore it. Don't point out they elected a Governor who choose to star in Kindergarten Cop, Eraser and Junior as this has been pointed out to them on a number of occasions.
4. If your are asked what calling you have if you say "Less Active Specialist", they will ask what that is and not laugh when you tell them that you stay home from church and watch TV in order to better understand the less active mindset. Its not because they don't have a sense of humor . It is because the joke just isn't that funny.
1. Don't ever shout "I've got the gun the killed old Joe Smith and it's loaded for Bringham Young" even if it is part of a riveting tale about how you were recently hired to play the part of one of the fellows who arrested and/or shot Joseph Smith. Out of context it sounds a little shocking.
2. If one of your ranks uses a product forbidden by the most recent interpretation of the Word of Wisdom seconds before the parade begins and another Battalion Member says "The Battalion didn't used tobacco" don't go into a lecture of the history of the Word of Wisdom. If you can't help yourself consider leaving out the portion about Bringham Young's use of chew.
3. If one of the the California's happens to criticize your state's politics or culture, just ignore it. Don't point out they elected a Governor who choose to star in Kindergarten Cop, Eraser and Junior as this has been pointed out to them on a number of occasions.
4. If your are asked what calling you have if you say "Less Active Specialist", they will ask what that is and not laugh when you tell them that you stay home from church and watch TV in order to better understand the less active mindset. Its not because they don't have a sense of humor . It is because the joke just isn't that funny.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Happy Bastille Day!
Via La Revolution! Today I will celebrate the overthrow of the oppressive and thoroughly wicked Aristos with a bottle of red wine and the 1982 classic "The Scarlett Pimpernel."
I know what your thinking, why would I celebrate such a noble break from oppression with a movie based on an anti-revolution book full of English actors? The reasons are two fold.
1st even the French have to admit things got a little out of hand. The reign of Terror, the business with Bonaparte, I mean the US had her share of blood shed but the French really took things up a notch with the Napoleonic Wars.
2nd If you haven't seen this movie it is a classic, and is one of the rare cases where the movie if far better than the book.
I know what your thinking, why would I celebrate such a noble break from oppression with a movie based on an anti-revolution book full of English actors? The reasons are two fold.
1st even the French have to admit things got a little out of hand. The reign of Terror, the business with Bonaparte, I mean the US had her share of blood shed but the French really took things up a notch with the Napoleonic Wars.
2nd If you haven't seen this movie it is a classic, and is one of the rare cases where the movie if far better than the book.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Modern Denstry
I took Red to the Dentist yesterday to get a cavity taken care off. The waiting room had a play area complete with a sort of tree house, toys, books and movies. The room where they do all the Dentist stuff was pleasantly decorated, and had fish everywhere. They gave Red Happy Gas and she could watch a movie while she was having the work down. The dentist was warm and friendly. Red did really well. I kind of wish I could have my work down there.
Dentistry has come a long way since I was her age, or I had crappy dentists.
My first Dentist was a brilliant dentist and a leader in his field ... back in the 1940's and 50's. By the time the 1980's had rolled around he was a bit out of date. The man didn't trust Novocaine, and I had some pretty deep cavities from the ages of four to six. I think at one point he actually offered me a lead bullet to bit down on. No movies, no toys, no prize box at the end, just the sound of the drill. Of course the one good thing that came from the experience is when it comes to dental work I one tough son of bitch. Today when the dentist asks, "does that hurt", i just mumble "Get on with it I don't have all god damned day."
My pain is Red's gain, afterwards I took her to the movies and Toys R US.
Dentistry has come a long way since I was her age, or I had crappy dentists.
My first Dentist was a brilliant dentist and a leader in his field ... back in the 1940's and 50's. By the time the 1980's had rolled around he was a bit out of date. The man didn't trust Novocaine, and I had some pretty deep cavities from the ages of four to six. I think at one point he actually offered me a lead bullet to bit down on. No movies, no toys, no prize box at the end, just the sound of the drill. Of course the one good thing that came from the experience is when it comes to dental work I one tough son of bitch. Today when the dentist asks, "does that hurt", i just mumble "Get on with it I don't have all god damned day."
My pain is Red's gain, afterwards I took her to the movies and Toys R US.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Lazer Tag
A few days ago I played Laser tag with my in laws. I wasn't really expecting a lot because it's laser tag and I am not 15 anymore. Luckily, Red was willing to play the part of wing man.,
Turns out, Laser Tag with a four year old in brilliant. We were given guns that shot a red beam, so natural I kept shouting "Exterminate" in my most refined Dalek voice. The best part was that Red would do the same thing in her best Dalek voice. She also had no problem assaulting well fortified positions with suicidal frontal attacks. They would hit me and I would step out of the way and Red would keep going firring her gun and shouting "Exterminate the Humans." She was one tall bearskin hat away from being a tiny Grenadier. Not only was she hard to hit but the psychological effect was a weapon unto itself.
Our Team was victorious and Red and I got second place over all.
Turns out, Laser Tag with a four year old in brilliant. We were given guns that shot a red beam, so natural I kept shouting "Exterminate" in my most refined Dalek voice. The best part was that Red would do the same thing in her best Dalek voice. She also had no problem assaulting well fortified positions with suicidal frontal attacks. They would hit me and I would step out of the way and Red would keep going firring her gun and shouting "Exterminate the Humans." She was one tall bearskin hat away from being a tiny Grenadier. Not only was she hard to hit but the psychological effect was a weapon unto itself.
Our Team was victorious and Red and I got second place over all.
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