A Day Out with Thomas

Kat and I took Smiley and Red to "A Day Out with Thomas." Thomas the Tank Engine is crack for toddlers. Really, my son can't get enough. The place was swarming with children fighting over toys, screaming and crying. They loaded us into a derelict passenger coach. The couch looked like something out of a post nuclear Holocaust movie from the 70's. Rust, pealing paint, stuff coming out of the sea cushions. Yet is was decorated with streamers and pictures of all the Thomas characters. It was a little too Tim Burton for my tastes. Thomas was there, staring at you with the cold lifeless eyes.

But the kids loved every minute of it. We bought Smiley a new train and Red a flash light. Smiley was a little annoyed none of the other engines showed up, but he has been talking about non-stop.

Regime Change

Last night I watched Night at the Museum II. If I was to use a thesaurus to describe the movie I would use the word execrable. This is not the fault of Ben Stiller, the director, or the writers. You see the chose to add this man as one of the characters.

George Armstong Custer is depicted as a idiot and a coward. The title idiot I, of course, accept without reservation along with emotional, and vain but I will not stand for the accusation of coward. Was he a super ass? Yes, in fact he may be one of the Chief Super Ass Team Captains but he was a no coward.

If you ever find yourself in Montana, consider visiting the site of the Battle of Little Bighorn. You won't regret it.

Edward Barbie, the adventures of Fish

Recently I was convinced to acquire a pet fish for Red and Smiley. Apparently Gold Fish do nothing but create problems and scheme against you, so we got a Beta. Smiley wanted to name him Edward. Red wanted to name him Barbie, so natural they settled on Edward Barbie.

We had to change Ed's water so I began to dump the water in the sink, when Ed made a run for it and jumped to freedom. It wasn't a well though out escape plan because he jumped into the side of the sink with garbage disposal, trapping himself. Of course both kids were watching and burst into tears.

Being an educated man I knew that Ed could not survive out of water and instantly leap into action. First I tried to convince Kat to reach in and get the fish. What can I say I don't like touching Animals, even dogs. When that failed I convinced her to at least get a flash light. We were able to see where Ed was but it is hard to get hold of rather small fish. Eventually I got him by a fin and flung him into his bowl. I really think he learned a valuable lesson about escaping from his plastic prison. After all at least nothing is trying to eat him in there and he gets plenty of food.

Guess who became King today back in the year 1643. If you guessed Edward the Confessor, your wrong. Edward the Confessor would have been my first guess. It was Louis IV King of France. I also recently went to see Hale's production of The Three Musketeers. It wasn't too bad really. Hale has the most fantastic cookies.

The thing I always find a little weird about the 17th century is how all the men try to look like girls, yet generally the girls do not try to look like men. The other thing I don't really understand is dueling. It makes the three famous soldiers seem a little insecure, which I think we can all understand. Yet I imagine if you tried to tell them this, to help them through it, they would try and stab you. Can you imagine how dangerous it would be to be a therapist in 17th century Europe.

Good Morning

Morning are total and complete bullshit. I hate them. The only way to deal with them is to sleep until they go away. Of course our society false to understand this simple principle and insists I be at work sometime before 9:00. People shouldn't be expected to solve problems like breakfast, putting on pants, figuring out how to walk downstairs and get a cup of milk for one of the kids in the morning. People ask me questions, always with the questions, and get offended when I am a bit short. I hated going to bed, because I know lurking around the corner, like some kind of damn ninja, the morning is waiting, with a solid roundhouse kick for your soft belly and a sharp stick to poke you in the eye.

Some people claim it is just me. Well it's not. The following video expresses this point far better than me. The relevant portion is about 3 minutes in, but since it is Friday and from the looks of things it is going to be a long time until 6:00, you might want to just watch the entire performance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkCxHoeaHgo&feature=related

Thanks Lewis

I hate to think what the world would be like without Lewis Black.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-may-12-2010/back-in-black---glenn-beck-s-nazi-tourette-s

Reciepie

Here is a recipe I discovered tonight.

Add
2 oz Lemon juice
12 oz Ginger Ale
Shake well then add
4 oz whiskey

Watch
4 Episodes of My Name is Earl
while eating a plate of nachos

In the end you get a truly exceptional evening.

Living History Conference

Last weekend I went up to Logan to the Intermountain Living History Conference. I was to teach a class entitled 19th Century Military Drill. Of course no one showed up. I don't blame them, honestly how can you. Luckily, I had a friend who had volunteered to assist me, so we spent the time dueling with a swords and pikes. It was like being 12 again only better because we used real pikes and swords. Plus I could swear without getting hassled by adults.

Which brings me to the point of today post. If I am ever possessed by an evil force and you must fight me. Remember, I am not very good at defending myself against a pike. With a Sword I occasionally get lucky, but so far I can only block a pike using my chest or face.

One more small bit of advice, if you take a date to Betos at 2:00 a.m. and she starts flirting with three guys dressed like the walked off the set of a bad History Channel documentary and strongly smelling of wet dog. The date is probably not going super well.